i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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