i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
