Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
