I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
