I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
