I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
