The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
