I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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