only if we run a train.
done.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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