The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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