The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
