just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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