i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
