Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
