yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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