it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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