True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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