I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
