I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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