We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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