Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
