I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I see more hoeing in ur future
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
