My nipple is on Facebook.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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