I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
