I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
