I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It's blow job season.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
