I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just high enough for therapy.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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