So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
