GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
