Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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