My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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