I think I am morally bankrupt
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
