I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
well you can't waste a boner
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
