then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
