My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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