ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
