Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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