I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
