I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I need to sanitize my soul.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
