Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
