I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
