Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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