Betty ford says i'm here all night
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
