OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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