I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
