we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
