if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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