Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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