I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
