So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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