I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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