Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
