he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
