If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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