nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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