i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
