There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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