Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
