I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
