I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I puked a lego.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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