we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
