did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
