Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
