I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize