Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
