You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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