the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
