How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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