i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
