Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
