i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
