There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
either way he was missing a nipple.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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