Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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