wanna go halves on a baby?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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