I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
