tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
