I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize