I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
