sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Randomize
