I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
