i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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