i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
zippers are such a cool invention
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
