Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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