I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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