Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize