just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
