I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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