I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
