I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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