yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
