i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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