watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
