Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
