Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
