I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
