He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
