i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
