My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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