a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
