Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
