I think I am morally bankrupt
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
do herpes really smell.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
