yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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