it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
