32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
