Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
