I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
third nipple confirmed
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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