I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
