That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
