It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
