I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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