he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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