kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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