Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
